Getting It Wrong On Purpose

This week a parent emailed and asked me about what to do when her child is doing something wrong on purpose because they think it is funny.

Here was my reply:
Yes, this happens sometimes. Kids enjoy being “tricksters” sometimes and will purposefully get something wrong. If you fight it, sometimes it just gets worse, because they are enjoying “tricking” you. I think the key to handling a situation like this is to not get in a conflict about it. Rather, just “go with it” by calmly reflecting what they are doing. Smile knowingly and say, “Oh, you are trying to trick me, now!” or thoughtfully observe: “Hmm, you are getting it wrong on purpose, aren’t you?” Go ahead and let them do it “wrong” and just keep reflecting. "Wow, you just keep doing it wrong again and again." Often, if the child sees that you aren’t going to get flustered or thrown off by their tricks, soon they’ll decide on their own to go back to doing the game the “right way”. If you try to make them do it right, however, it will feed the desire to go back to tricking you. Remember, that which feels like a power struggle to you may feel like a game to your child.

If reflecting doesn’t work, I would just leave it. Say something like, “Hmm, I see that you just want to be tricky today, so let’s try this game another time, OK?” A little practice game is never worth getting in a power struggle over.

Please share your own ideas, comments, or questions. I'd love to hear from you!