The Perils and Promise of Praise

Haven't we always been taught that kids should be praised? We want to build their self-esteem, so we tell them they are smart and talented, and we tell them this as often as we can. If this sounds like you, you're not alone: one survey found that 85% of American parents believe that it is important to tell their children they are smart. (I used to be part of the 85%, too!)

The sobering news from a growing body of research is that we need to beware of generic praise for being smart or talented and focus our praise instead on their effort and hard work.

When we praise a child for being smart, the child gets the message that being smart is what matters most, and that intelligence is fixed--they either have it or they don't, and therefore it's not in their control. The child may feel good for that moment, but later may feel afraid to try something new or challenging, because if they fail it would expose them as being not intelligent. According to researcher and psychologist Carol Dweck, PhD, "Praising students' intelligence gives them a short burst of pride, followed by a long string of negative consequences." These consequences can include decreased confidence and less willingness to tackle new challenges.

In one study, led by Dweck, 400 fifth graders were given a series of IQ tests. Following the test, the students got their score from the researcher, along with a single sentence of praise. One group was praised for intelligence: "You must be smart at this." The other group was praised for effort: "You must have worked really hard." Of the students who were praised for effort, 90% requested the harder test when given a choice for their next IQ test. However, most of the students who were praised for being smart requested the easier test. The final test in the series was actually a repeat of the first test. As a group, the students who were praised for effort improved their scores on this last test by 30%, while the students who were praised for intelligence actually got worse by 20%.

“When we praise children for their intelligence,” Dweck writes, “we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes.” She goes on to explain, “Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”

In her work, Dweck emphasizes that it is important to help children discover that they can control their success (and even their own intelligence) through effort, practice, and hard work.

You can read more about Dweck's research in this New York Magazine article or in Dweck's own article "The Perils and Promise of Praise"

Happy Practicing!